Category Archives: Films

The Amazing Spider-Fan

I hate spiders, that title is a lie. But Andrew Garfield is definitely a reason to abide them. Luckily there is only a few hundred used in the film. Wait what.

Onto more pretty things, Garfield is stunning. Geeky and gorgeous, it is easy to see why this film has been slated as a superhero for women. There may not be any explosions for the boys, but the witty script and the blonde love interest will keep every cinema filled with men as well.

The amazing spiderman, based on the marvel comics by Stan Lee, is about a boy who gets bitten by a genetically enhanced spider after sneaking into Oscorp science/lab thingy and then starts to exhibit mutations. Enough with the details: Garfield portrays the geeky boy perfectly. A fan since he was three he has told interviews he “wanted to be spiderman when [he] grew up, this is the closest [he] can get.”

Unmasked: Spiderman is about the beauty within.

From the original Toby Maguire and the long established comic and cartoon depictions of spiderman we all know of the tragic life of Peter Parker, the alter ego of spiderman. His uncle dies. Everytime that man left the house my heart stopped for the second, and on that fateful night a tear still threatened my makeup. The cast was ideal, even Flash the jock/bully (Every american high school needs one.) Emotion could be seen in their eyes and smiles, when Garfield first hits the camera with that toothy grin, many of you will be swooning in your seats.

It is easy to immerse yourself in this film. Although dark, the colours are vibrant. That red and blue suit is easily seen while he swings through the skyscrapers. Might stick with the logo tshirt rather than donning the all in one lycra though.

Definitely a must see for the summer. It keep raining so you have no excuse to be outside. Go get in a big cinema and watch that boy swing.

Also, I hope you find lizards cute.

Look, he’s happy to see you. Are you happy to see him?

Bring me the hart of Snow White

WARNING: I have tried not to drop spoilers, but I do talk about certain aspects you may not have known about. Read at own risk.

Turns out, Trolls are the fairest of them all. Or I guess those fairies were pretty sweet with that floppy white fringe, and mighty god of life Hart was pretty bad ass with those horns. Thor, you would have been in the running, but you wore your shirt throughout. And your face didn’t appear in the movie enough. You were like, only present for 85% of the time. Not enough.

Everyone knows the story; the Queen is a bully, but a pretty bully. However, the vain insecure wreck wants to destroy the one girl that is fairer than she. Snow White then runs away, what with being attached to her heart. Huntsman is sent on a retrieval mission, but his male ways cause mutiny and ends up helping the fair damsel. Walk by several dwarves and adorable animals covered in moss, perhaps a black smoking tree, two wars, an obvious trick and you get Snow White and The Huntsman.

I liked the CGI creations, they had a good concept. The troll’s eyes are so shiny and blue, I just wanted to cuddle him. And Thor, you look like a douche for being knocked about so much, like seriously, can’t handle a little Hulk?

Thou art beautiful.

I have to salute Hemsworth though; his acting skills are level 99. His voice was just as seductive as ever, but he displayed no Thor like qualities. I may be guilty of tutting in his fight scenes, silently telling him the Mjolnir would clear up the mess in a second, but he was an obedient actor and displayed drunken depressed man with woman issues well. My only drawback on the Huntsman was probably the suddenness of his thought process. He changed his mind, and would just do things without any warning. Rather than a being personality it appeared more absurd. However, this is more of a script problem than the man. We do not fault the man. It is not done.

That brings me on my major annoyance of the film. The script; more specifically Snow White’s script. I do not think it is the fault of Kristen Stewart- though her many facial expressions of Bella made me grit my teeth throughout the film. Every time that Snow spoke a philosophical riddle emerged. Sometimes for absolutely no reason at all! At one point she is just walking and starts talking about frost and something intelligible. Wouldn’t it be awkward if this crazy lady was made a Queen or something?

I did like something about Snow White’s character though. The shape of her outfit was pretty; I love the pinafore over a dress look. It may be a dull colour, and those sleeves are atrocious, but I understand the importance of those factors for her situation at the time. Still, fantastic design Colleen Atwood!

Fine Fashion
“I wear a dozen extravagant outfits in the film. And you choose HERS? she only had three! “

My final criticism would be on how the battles were filmed. Fight scenes that were not strictly one on one became blurred and disorientating. It was difficult to see who was winning, if anybody was. Though Thor wielding an axe was very entertaining, the man is good with weapons.

All in all, the film was enjoyable. I wasn’t expecting the CGI sanctuary, but I adored all the creatures. But, like Hemsworth’s chest face, Snow White and the Huntsman does not allow the good things to stay. With a strong storyline, and a good selection of characters, it is a great movie for an evening in with friends. Just don’t expect fan service, they forgot to add it.

No, you can’t distract us from the lack of fan service by adding more pretty faces.

Is it possible to get a *decent* DVD for £2 at the supermarket?

I thought I had become desensitized to cringe moments since I watched “Don’t tell the Bride: surfer edition,” but I flinched repeatedly throughoutThe Dilemma.

Starring Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Jennifer Connelly and Winona Ryder this was the bargain DVD at Morrisons for £2. Mum found it, like she finds many things whilst ‘popping into the shop just to get *x*.’

For some strange hybrid of Bromance Comedy and tragic Romcom, a bromcomic perhaps? The Dillema was actually entertaining.

Hybrids are the way to go.

Two grown men, best friends, are living ordinary lives, working as spokesman and inventor for a car engine company. And then one day horror strike… Dude cathces wide of overstressed BFF sucking face with a baby faced ‘rock star.’ What’s a man to do? Well, that is what the film is about; and Vince Vaughn does every awkward scene in perfect awkwardness.

The advice of the film is “Honesty is better than love,” for true, down to earth relationships. Right.

For the money and the genre, the fight scenes (yes, plural) were good, really good. They do have a decent cast to help though, so no real suprise. Those punches, wow, just believable outraged everyday, street violence.

Vaughn is probably my guilty pleasure that I even deny myself in life. With every film, even this one, I sit down in a grump, much like a child mid-tantrum, because I don’t think the film will be good (the film my parents chose, and will fall asleep in very soon). But, just by his presence on the screen, I start giggling. Maybe it’s the goofy way his eyes look t the sky every time he talks or that he has been able to express every single character in all of his films in the same way and still keep it funny. (The right kind of funny?)

Those eyes say the truth "what the hell am I doing, where am I"

I would call him my comedy crush, but that goes to Rhod Gilbert. It’s that panicked expression that dances with every joke. It just gets me.

For the record, silver fox Philip Schofield has been my ‘old man’ crush since I was 13.

celebrity crushes...awwwwww yeah.

The brief appearance by Queen Latifah were too brief. Not am I only in awe of this woman’s talent, but her character was probably the only reason this film could be called a comedy. You will love her, that crazy crazy woman who says all the wrong things in just the right way.

Anyway, back to The Dilemma and whether it should be on your grocery list this week…

Do it. Don't do it.

A funny film; major cringes, but you can go to bed without feeling sad. Worth the £2 spent by mum, and a good time waster for a couple of hours one bored evening. Anything is better than soap operas. Anything.

 

Do it.

But wait, Bella wasn’t meant to marry Jacob… – review

I hope I fooled at least some of you with that.

The eagerly anticipated first of two part film Breaking Dawn is finally available for all the die-hard, the loyal and even those that just love to laugh at Jacob constantly taking his shirt off. This happens right after the title, promise. Continue reading But wait, Bella wasn’t meant to marry Jacob… – review

Not Another Political Parallel Horror Movie

You don’t have to be a film student to enjoy international cinema. The Host (Korea, 2006) tells the usual tale of polluted water creates mutant that wants to attack humanity. Based, as you probably guessed, in the Korean Seoul’s Han River, the monster quite quickly attacks and causes fear of a virus that affects anyone it touches, although if it touches you it’s probably trying to eat you, thus a virus isn’t that scary in the greater scheme of things.

The cover of THE HOST taken from IMDB page

The plot centres on a family as the protagonists; one is the victim, who the monster catches but the family go in search of her believing her still alive.

However, this film does not keep the characters conventional. True for a film there must be some evidence of individual talent but they are human and make very human mistakes as if they were truly trying to fight a monster with no knowledge of combat before. The main hero Gang-Du, is ridiculed for his apparent stupidity, but the script never gives him a pivotal Einstein moment where he becomes the worshipped hero. He just becomes accepted and continues how he is.

My favourite part of this film is tied between the actual monster; which is literally a big fish who flops around with arms and feet (not even legs, just feet) chasing screaming people, or the portrayal of Americans; wait till you see that sexy cross eyed look for scientists in charge of everything.

Trying to say something bad about this film is difficult, it is a horror but it has that continuous Korean humour that will emit a few giggles between the gasps and ‘almost’ screams because we wouldn’t be foolish enough to scream at a film…

The film is obviously trying to be political, and as a friend said, “I do not want to ruin it by trying to analyse the messages,” and I refuse to do that for myself or for you. But I will say: Ungraceful, slimy monster that can barely keep itself upright when it runs about causes mayhem and governmental disarray in a few days.

Even if horror isn’t for you, just watch this film because it animates so many emotions within you. How many horror films can claim that? Get it on DVD for £4.99 on Amazon.co.uk.

Bonus paragraph (oh you lucky thing ;D ) I realised after I sent it to you I didn’t mention technical, and I had already planned that in my head :O so looking at my paragraphs above they are near the 50 word mark so if you prefer the following you can exchange it for a weaker component

The Host is technically engaging too; to keep the stupidity of Gang-Du the timing of shots is used to extract intense emotion from him. This tends to be slowing most things down but it works, the heartbreak in his eyes is drawn out in the harrowing moment as he sees the monster grab his daughter.