Today, I shall be freewriting about gardening. As I am currently having to do such a thing even though I hate it furiously. Nothing annoys me more than gardening, yet my parents own two allotments and my nan a plant nursery. Gardening is definitely not a biological thing then. If you are wondering why there has such a long break since my last freewriting, then excuses can already be found on my latest Nexplanon blog. (Fantastic stock image from Pixabay)Gardening. The bane of my existence. I am not a human of the green fingered variety. My fingers are ink-stained page turners who long to sit under a shady tree and read a book… not plant, prune or general partake in the growing of said tree. No. It is not that I am lazy, far from it, I am not afraid of hard work. But I do not like dirt on my hands, and anyone who has ever tried to do anything related to gardening will understand, no matter what you do, there will be mud under your fingernails.
I am no great fan of bugs in my face either. My partner and I have recently come into possession of a large slab of mud as a garden and it needs some love, some tender loving care, to bloom. But ugh. The first day I was out there raking an earwig ran underfoot. When I went to water my fruit tree (the only approved living item in my garden, fruit unknown) I excitedly bent down to look at the first green sprig of life shooting from its barky base… and there was a spider! Most recently, during the ‘digging up’ section of the overall gardening project, I came across an earthworm. Actually I don’t mind worms, I find them adorable as they are just silly, stringy pieces of flesh that eat the ground and make it habitable for plants. But my partner hates them more than anything (except snakes) and so away with the worms as well.
I had raked at least a third of the mass of mud, to a reasonable two inch depth, when my partner joined me in the project. Then, it transpired, as he tirelessly researched ‘gardening’ and ‘making a lawn’ on the internet while I was raking, we have to dig 20 cm down, and completely sieve the land of rocks. Our garden is a former builders site. It is 88% rocks.
So our gardening project has become somewhat of an amateur excavation, I have two large holes, and not much nice soil. We have also found a section along the fence and bottom corner has decided to be a quagmire. With little sunlight, and a lot of Yorkshire rain, it has become a peculiar, dangerous looking swamp. Which, as much fun as it is to make footprints and then prise your foot free of it, isn’t great when you imagine sitting on the damp grass or getting clumps of mud stuck in a mower. So we have gone all pro and used gardener’s string to cordon off the area with the very real intention of making a pergola. Or something equally snazzy that will be wonderful to sit and read. As I sit here, freewriting instead of working on my mud desert, I am already imagining the cute solar fairy lights I saw at Wilko. I could lace them around the edges. It will look magical.
You know, when we actually get to finish.
Excavating/gardening has proven to be as boring as you could imagine. I grow weary of the shovel and raking exercises and return to my friendly glowing laptop to research cute looking gardening tools on Amazon. I have my eye on a nice gift set for when I have my finished raised planter to grow herbs and the like. Because even though I hate all this leg work now, I will adore the fun side of gardening and breathing life into tiny plants, right?