I am typing this blog from the chair of absolute pain. No, we didn’t spend our weekend at the cinema with a certain Mr Grey followed by 50 shades of re-enactment, I infact went on a cycling date.
Now to many of you, that may sound blitheringly benign, but don’t misunderstand. Today I tackled a 28 mile round trip from Hull to Hornsea of the Trans Pennine Trail. Today, I rode a bike for 4 hours without break… having not ridden a bike in near a decade.Ok, no breaks is a little lie. We did break at intervals – to ensure the folding road bike I was using was still tightened. You know, the folding road bike which has a few screws loose and has cellotape wrapped around the fold-part of the frame.
Did I mention it was a folding *road* bike which I took across 28 miles of offroad path, mud, puddles and tarmac with three-inch tree roots sticking out of it?
The following is my freewriting piece of the day, done after the aforementoned bike ride and consequent wolfing down of chilli con carne.
So today we cycled. It was the first time in quite some time, and my ass is hurting some now… but it was really fun. My dream is to be a ninja, and be able to free run and know I could survive a zombie apocalypse. I realise that is probably not a real ambition, but we need motivation to cause such pain to our bodies. And I don’t like being serious, because if we take life too seriously we don’t get to see the magic.
I was getting good at being a ninja while i was at university. I joined Tang Soo Do and it was wonderful. I had always wanted to do martial arts but my mum had never let me go to clubs, i could understand as a kid, its expensive etc. It was afterschool, and even though mum worked till 5 and i only lived a 15 minute walk from school anyway it was just one of those things that seemed out of reach for a 13 year old. I was also terrible in PE, so bad. Like, I could never be bothered to do those bleep tests, as soon as someone dropped out I did too no matter how I felt (never wanted to be the first to drop out but i would be second). So I didn’t appear fit to my teacher, and so my parents probably looked at my report card and thought I wouldn’t enjoy a sport? Who knows, but in conclusion i never took up my dream of being a ninja until uni.
And what a dream it was. I was cornered by these scary people in white pyjamas at the freshers’ fayre who proceeded to harvest my email and a promise to be at class on Monday. Three friends and I went, and then joined in with the press ups.
I don’t think I had ever done a serious press up in my life before then. It was pathetic, so absolutely pathetic, but three years later i could keep up with the lads for 30 press ups in one go, and proudly wore my red (3rd gup) belt. With utmost modesty of course.
Unfortunately i waved good bye to my ninja friends at graduation, moving back home. I didn’t fancy a two hour drive on not so nice roads for an hour and a half lesson twice a week. It was the greatest last lesson, I threw one of my friends at Angus (who is a bear of a ninja and such a wonderful guy). Yes, you heard right, threw.
Anyway, so I did try to keep my fitness up on my return home. Used the wii fit for all of a month, and joined a local kickboxing club with my sister. Being a 3rd gup I understood all the movements, and had to work extra harder to relearn different styles of roundhouse kicking, but I was getting the hang of it. Being back at the bottom of the ninja ladder had first-belts look down on me, and they were super patronising. Don’t get me started on the black belts, they never spoke to me, or if they were forced they would sneer and say I was doing it wrong. When you’re just standing there it is kind of frustrating.
Also being used to a uni class and then being subjected to share with children was frustrating. Not that they were not good, they were. But they didn’t treat it with respect, which really got my goat. And they were so rude to me, because i look young and short i guess they thought they could be dominant but Christ i have never wanted to punch a 10 year old in the face so hard.
My sister had quit (due to getting pregnant) after a month, and i gave it my all for at least another 6 weeks, but I just couldn’t take the class and how I was treated. The teacher, Merryn, was fantastic, but she owned the gym so she often ran out to see to other problems, leaving other senior belts to take class and it was not fun with them, so I quit. I really regret it, but I did.
Then came two years working a desk job and not exercising as much as i should have… all with mothers cooking. So I got fat, unfit and lazy. And then moved to Hull with my cycling, weight lifting and generally outdoor loving boyfriend. He’s so cute, but he is at such odds with my book reading, anime watching, gaming self. We’re so perfect together.
I got fit by walking everyday (although since changing jobs i have to drive) and doing some weights, abs workouts and some crazy arm workout with a ‘dip machine’. Much pain.
And then came today, and we were arguing being shut in our one room shared house, so we thought LETS GO CYCLING.
Oh my gosh why.
I jest, it was super fun. My butt may hurt, my wrists uncomfortable, my legs ache, but by jove it was fun. And i really want to become a ninja, and cardio workouts help lose belly fat. Ninjas can’t have belly fat.