because-why-not

Freewriting Vs Writers Block

Writers block is the most terrible thing to overcome – because it doesn’t exist. And how do fight something that doesn’t exist?

If you followed me on Twitter pre-christmas you will be hyper aware that on weekends I partake in the #amwriting hashtag to gush about the novel i am writing. It’s going to be hit I’m telling you.

The reason I said pre-christmas, is because I have barely written a paragraph for said novel in the last two months. I am at around 50,000 words, and halfway through the story (although the final chapter is half written). My last significant contribution was on New Year’s Day. And I just can’t get out of this rut and add any more meaningful content to it.

So I called out on Twitter, expecting people to say ‘just fucking do it’ like they always do when you put something off or want to do something. But i thought i would ask anyway.

Well, someone gave some real advice, which I have done. Completelynovel.com told me to try freewriting for ten minutes.

Being the rebel that I am I did it for 15 minutes, and below is the full and unadulterated (with the exception of going back to do spelling and things) version.

You don’t have to read it, but just in case, like me, you are swimming without air in a flood of writers block, maybe it will help you jump back on the horse and swim for sure.

LOL (because we must always be able to laugh at ourselves).

Freewriting.

So I’m trying freewriting as suggested by completely novel to get out of my writers block slump. I have a few things that I always wanted to get off my chest, and I have been thinking for a while now that I should change my blog up, because as you probably noticed, there isn’t a lot of reviewing going on. I read some great anthologies lately that were full of both fantastic short stories and absolutely, mind numbingly, painful novellas that I wish to never speak of in fear that I waste even more of my life on them. But on the bright side I found out that my hatred of bears do not extend to bear shifters when they are huge, muscled and cuddly. But I still hate bears. Especially koalas.

So I’m already feeling a little flagging in this free writing business and my arm is strained because I am at anof angle and have pushed my laptop too far up the desk. Readjudting, not much better, now it feels too close. Oh well. Back on point.

Freewriting is quite scary, because I plan to publish this all the ghosts in my head are suddenly telling me that I can’t write, that I shouldn’t write; which is horrible. This could be perhaps the reason of my writers block, because I am so enthusiastic about my novel that I am writing I am most definitely going to get it published. Whether that takes me 30 years, I don’t care, it will get published one day. And the very thought of that could be niggling at my mind, because I can’t cope with trolls. I was bullied too much as a child and I care too much of what others say and think. The downsides of social anxiety. [after edit note, upsides: You will never understand how beautiful reading a book is if you don’t have social anxiety.] But oh well, I want to write and I love to write so I need to just put it out there.

Wow. This free writing malarkey is absolutely terrible. I stopped for about a full 30 seconds and just stared. At a bag of sugar. My mind is so desperately trying to outspill something that will be of importance, entertainment or shareable content for you. But that is not the point of this exercise. The internet has destroyed the heart of writing because we have all begun to believe that it is so important to be the absolute best and to do something that will be shared, we can’t just share something ourselves. We can’t share a part of ourselves, something that can just drift quietly on its own and be existing. No we have to think of analytics, how many people will read that blog, how many people will click on the link how many how many what is this, what is that.

It’s horrible. But on that note, i recently discovered the wonder that is twitter analytics. It came from a colleague and myself discussing how to measure out twitter reach for our clients, with facebook and linked in and things you can see as it just tells you, but I couldn’t find that for twitter. And then it did and I was oh so happy. Twitter ads is a wonderful tool it will tell you how many people have seen a tweet, clicked on a link, retweeted, liked, … oh god I lost my train of thought, my damn notification bar just buzzed up and I don’t really know where I was going. But I know my final point was to say that how fun it is to watch how many people can see you is just fuel to see how many people will judge you.

It’s like the other day, I tweeted about my friend’s mental health blog. She is an absolute star, and even though she is a mathemagician  she has a wonderful way with words, she gets her point across fluently and all behind the eyes of a hamster. Read this and find out what I am talking about. But anyway, I chatted to her on facebook [because we live too far apart] and said yo I tweeted. And then looking at my analytics some account with 3k odd followers had liked it. However at the time I saw a notification and thought it had been retweeted. I said yo it’s been retweeted to 3k people. And she typed she was scared at the thought of that. I suddenly felt terrible for tweeting about it and most of all telling her, for putting her in that position because social anxiety is the worst thing for her right now. But I also felt proud because I really believe in her message and feel more people should be reading it, it sure helps me when I feel a little bottled up. But I felt terrible. Then I saw it was only a favourite not a retweet and we both felt a little better, but I also felt disappointed, 1.  because I need interaction and attention online [retweets reach further than likes] else I feel like I am being judged and scolded and that everyone hates me. But let’s face it i’m hilarious (shut up I don’t care about your ball of brain).

And I have lost track again. But free writing doesn’t care about rules, and it doesn’t care that I care what you think. Sometimes you have to do something scary to get out of a hole. And I will finish my novel.

Thanks for scrolling all the way to the bottom. If you ever need absolutely wonderful stock pictures like dogs and cats and toy carts, go to Pixabay.com. It’s free.

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