Bring me the hart of Snow White

WARNING: I have tried not to drop spoilers, but I do talk about certain aspects you may not have known about. Read at own risk.

Turns out, Trolls are the fairest of them all. Or I guess those fairies were pretty sweet with that floppy white fringe, and mighty god of life Hart was pretty bad ass with those horns. Thor, you would have been in the running, but you wore your shirt throughout. And your face didn’t appear in the movie enough. You were like, only present for 85% of the time. Not enough.

Everyone knows the story; the Queen is a bully, but a pretty bully. However, the vain insecure wreck wants to destroy the one girl that is fairer than she. Snow White then runs away, what with being attached to her heart. Huntsman is sent on a retrieval mission, but his male ways cause mutiny and ends up helping the fair damsel. Walk by several dwarves and adorable animals covered in moss, perhaps a black smoking tree, two wars, an obvious trick and you get Snow White and The Huntsman.

I liked the CGI creations, they had a good concept. The troll’s eyes are so shiny and blue, I just wanted to cuddle him. And Thor, you look like a douche for being knocked about so much, like seriously, can’t handle a little Hulk?

Thou art beautiful.

I have to salute Hemsworth though; his acting skills are level 99. His voice was just as seductive as ever, but he displayed no Thor like qualities. I may be guilty of tutting in his fight scenes, silently telling him the Mjolnir would clear up the mess in a second, but he was an obedient actor and displayed drunken depressed man with woman issues well. My only drawback on the Huntsman was probably the suddenness of his thought process. He changed his mind, and would just do things without any warning. Rather than a being personality it appeared more absurd. However, this is more of a script problem than the man. We do not fault the man. It is not done.

That brings me on my major annoyance of the film. The script; more specifically Snow White’s script. I do not think it is the fault of Kristen Stewart- though her many facial expressions of Bella made me grit my teeth throughout the film. Every time that Snow spoke a philosophical riddle emerged. Sometimes for absolutely no reason at all! At one point she is just walking and starts talking about frost and something intelligible. Wouldn’t it be awkward if this crazy lady was made a Queen or something?

I did like something about Snow White’s character though. The shape of her outfit was pretty; I love the pinafore over a dress look. It may be a dull colour, and those sleeves are atrocious, but I understand the importance of those factors for her situation at the time. Still, fantastic design Colleen Atwood!

Fine Fashion
“I wear a dozen extravagant outfits in the film. And you choose HERS? she only had three! “

My final criticism would be on how the battles were filmed. Fight scenes that were not strictly one on one became blurred and disorientating. It was difficult to see who was winning, if anybody was. Though Thor wielding an axe was very entertaining, the man is good with weapons.

All in all, the film was enjoyable. I wasn’t expecting the CGI sanctuary, but I adored all the creatures. But, like Hemsworth’s chest face, Snow White and the Huntsman does not allow the good things to stay. With a strong storyline, and a good selection of characters, it is a great movie for an evening in with friends. Just don’t expect fan service, they forgot to add it.

No, you can’t distract us from the lack of fan service by adding more pretty faces.

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