X Blades: former cowgirls getting godly.

I knew it was a good game when the winged dinosaur in a steam punk mask that was running towards me suddenly veered left and casually walked up the wall. His mate ran in a circle to my right and even when I started to hack and slash they were confused at best. Then we all had a kind of party where all the steam punk dinosaurs came to the garden and created a mosh pit.

Then a big red ball of light chased us all and security threw me out.

 

Just don't expect much: in story, in adventure, in clothes...

I haven’t reviewed anything in a while, and due to the fact I and my housemate can’t be trusted with spare money and access to Amazon, I have a couple new old games for the ol’ Xbox 360. I felt good today so, naturally, I thought I would test run a bikini clad, former cowgirl with an illicit affair with gun swords. But not just one, TWO; for those days that you just feel so bad ass you need to have two swords that can shoot infinite ammo.

I’m not going to lie to you, I just entered level Three. Some of you may think that level three isn’t far enough into a game to know what I’m talking about… well, to be fair it isn’t. But I am not the hack and slash girl you are assuming me to be, I like a storyline to avoid so as soon as I write this I am going back to Fable 2.

The cover of X Blades states that in a pretty environment the heroin (bikini clad former cowgirl) is searching for some treasure that blah blah and destroys the earth and blah blah blah so you have to continuously kill things to find out why. It sounded fun, and if you like button mashing then it is pretty good. The game requires no skill or strategy, only patience and a vibrating thumb joint.

It is kinder to the player than most games, rather than having objects strewn about to destroy in order to obtain health and MP (although apparently there are) you can fight your victims to build up rage (equivalent to MP), sacrifice souls of fallen prey (but you need this to power up spells and weapons so don’t do it too often) or my personal technique, just stand around and hold down the spell button, the rage/frustration builds as she just throws magic at the bad flies, killing them instantly.

Please note, that last trick only works if you have enough health to not die whilst building up rage; otherwise you are rather screwed.

 

Who's an adorable half a dinosaur?

My favourite part of the game though has to be the consequence of mass combos. I am a girl, thus, I love it when people are calling me stunning, incredible, perfect, spectacular, unstoppable… wait what.

The first levels are ridiculously easy, but to get the decent spells it is telling me I need a lottery win worth of souls (each monster is one soul) so it will definitely get harder pretty soon.

May not be the greatest game in the world, but if you want something to do in short bursts with a pretty scenery and a casual regard to a storyline (with two possible endings!), or maybe you are partial to bikini clad former cowgirls that wear cat ear type hair clips. Did I mention she has an awesome weapon? Try out X Blades, to me, it’s more fun than Thor (the video game, not drinking the game, one does not simply beat the Thor drinking game).

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