But wait, Bella wasn’t meant to marry Jacob… – review

I hope I fooled at least some of you with that.

The eagerly anticipated first of two part film Breaking Dawn is finally available for all the die-hard, the loyal and even those that just love to laugh at Jacob constantly taking his shirt off. This happens right after the title, promise.

However after the Jacob fan girls are pleased there comes a twenty minute ode to the boyfriends that are dragged to the cinema. It has taken me four films to realise but Bella Swan has no ass. Miss Stewart’s derrière keeps getting into every camera pan… Maybe it has something to do with the wedding shoes or whatever, but it’s still there.

Having been one of those girls that had read every book, twice, before the first Twilight film of the franchise had even began advertising, it will suffice to say I was freaking excited, much to the exasperation of my housemates.

Jacob works out but I’m not really one for hairy men.

And yes, I was also one of those girls waiting for Jacob’s 99999 taking-his-shirt-off shots.

The film itself had a very sweet Romantic Comedy feel to it during the honeymoon, although, I haven’t seen any RomComs where the groom breaks the bed with just his hand during the consummation. Once the pregnancy is out of the bag (this does not count as a spoiler, if you didn’t know then you were never going to watch the film anyway) the film starts to pick up speed and get interesting. Or more humorous, depending on which side of the love/hate relationship with Twilight you are on.

Jacob’s reactions are not quite like the book. His initial anger, turmoil and sensitivity are worthy, but his character then became void of this first impression and was just content with his proximity to Bella. Disappointing, I had been hoping for the constant going away and coming back. The interaction of his other two Clearwater pack members is lacking but more due to the fact of no screen time than any acting problems. I know it’s sad but I wanted to see Edward cook a cinnamon swirl for Seth. Maybe he will come to visit in part 2.

Back to more wolves and more first reactions I and my friend were in hysterics with the CGI wolves. Their angry snarls were probably the cutest thing I have seen since Puss In Boots [Shrek version.] The first audience glimpse of the telepathy was done better than I had imagined. Although I had only thought this after the film, during the time of watching I was mostly annoyed that it was too confusing, rushed and quiet under the thunderous paws of several running and panting wolves.

♥ ♥ Books and Film I will always be loyal to Team Jasper. ♥ ♥

Thankfully, Jasper has sorted his hair out from the third film, Eclipse; however, it is now the turn for Carlisle to have the dodgy haircut. Whenever Carlisle is on screen it mostly means a serious moment, but I found myself constantly glaring at his fringe that just wouldn’t stay back. It was determined to hang over his forehead in a curl like a warped surfboard forced into a wall. Made all the worse as the rest of his head was slicked back.

Sorry for the darkness, but it is too bad a haircut to see it properly anyway.

I will be going back, not just because I promised my mum I would take her but just because I enjoyed it so much, as a fan and as one who likes to laugh at it sometimes.

The 12 rating is probably on Emmet’s wedding speech alone but there is some very graphic scenes (morning sickness) and Jacob isn’t the only one that can be filmed taking his shirt off. He still winds thought. (checking this post I realise this should be ‘he still wins though’ but I like the imagery of winds thought)

If you are a boyfriend then be a man and take your girl, there is even some dog on dog action for you at the end.

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3 thoughts on “But wait, Bella wasn’t meant to marry Jacob… – review”

  1. Fantastic info. I’m grateful I discovered your blog by accident. I have saved as a favorite for later on!

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